DVD--A Nightmare on Elm Street

or: Modern horrors suck, example #685624863201

One word to sum it up: WHY?!

I am probably the most sadistic movie lover in the world (although I am sure there are people who are like me out there). Even though I am told by thousands of people and low ratings that a movie sucks, I will still watch it. Even though I know that it is really going to suck, I will still watch it. I knew A Nightmare on Elm Street would suck...but not as much as it did...

Death stalks the dreams of several young adults to claim its revenge on the killing of Freddy Kruger (Jackie Earle Haley). Chased and chastised by this finger-bladed demon, it is the awakening of old memories and the denials of a past of retribution that spurns this hellish vision of a dreamlike state and turns death into a nightmare reality.

Obviously, being a remake, this film wasn't really ever going to succeed. Sure, films like Let Me In have been just about as good as the original, but why couldn't this one be? Because the original was so 1980's, had Robert Englund playing Freddy and could convert a cheap horror into a film with lots of worthy scares. This version was so 2000's, had Jackie Earle Haley (unfortunately) playing Freddy and had enough money thrown at it that the cheap horror of it couldn't be converted into anything else but a trainwreck. As if we haven't seen enough of whiny teenagers getting terrorized by horrible creatures. Some movies, no matter how good they were, should never be remade.

There isn't anything that can save this film. Even Rooney Mara, who I was sorta impressed with (though I'm sure I'll be more impressed with her in The Social Network and hopefully The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo), could not save any part of this movie. It's poorly, poorly scripted, and most of the dialogue feels like it just come out of one of the Twilight movies or something. Freddy Kruger wasn't even scary, and was really the victim of bad CGI. I really feel sorry for Jackie Earle Haley for ever having something to do with the film. I'm not prepared to give this film the lowest rating, as it had a few minor merits. Otherwise, it's a simple must-avoid.

My message to the film-makers: leave the dream stuff for Christopher Nolan, the franchise for Wes Craven and the 1980's, and Freddy for Robert Englund. And please, please, for the love of God, do NOT make another one! I know that was a bit of a 'to be continued' ending, but so was Inception's, and there ain't gonna be a sequel to that. If there is going to be a sequel to this, I might just die.


THE VERDICT: Shit. Just pure shit.

2/10