A Conversation with 'THE ROOM'

Y'all seemed to like the first one, so I thought, why not make this a weekly feature? It is pretty fun, after all.

Now I shall transform myself into 'the worst movie ever' The Room, which was a real pleasure to watch. And just like last time, Christopher shall be my interviewer, and shall remain that way until my Mum gives in and lets me have a cat called Christopher. It's my dream, Mum!

CHRISTOPHER: Hello, The Room.
THE ROOM: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her! I did naaahhht.
Oh, hi Mark.

C: My name isn't Mark.
TR: You don't understand anything, man. Keep your stupid questions in your pocket.

C: Obviously, my pocket isn't big enough to do that. Now tell me a bit about yourself.
TR: Me? Well, I may as well just be the worst film ever. But I'm so bad I'm good. As far as plot inconsistencies, odd shots of the city which have nothing to do with anything and really bad lines go, I am a freaking masterpiece of cinema. I was supposed to be a serious drama about a love triangle, but, well, things changed. I may be the funniest comedy ever to be made. It's just a shame that people are laughing at me, and not with me.

C: That must be hard. But don't you think it's impossible to take you seriously?
TR: Well, yeah. I mean, one of the ladies in it had breast cancer. That's a pretty serious thing.

C: She had breast cancer?

TR: Yes, didn't you know? There was one line explaining that in the film. It was a great thing to throw into a conversation casually.

C: Tell me about Tommy Wiseau. He seems like a top bloke.
TR: Oh, he's brilliant. He realises that the audience needs to see the city every minute for a little bit of escapism from all of the seriousness of the project. He must have his voice dubbed over so it sounds extra quality. He must have his actors play football in tuxedos standing just a few feet apart. And his script-writing is amazing.

C: How so?
TR: He doesn't want the audience to get confused in any way. For example: "Did you get your promotion?" "Nah." "You didn't get it, did you?" People like knowing the same thing twice in one conversation.

C: Wiseau is also great at choosing songs to accompany his film. 

TR: Yes, that's particularly on show during any one of the many sex scenes in here. Pop love songs and sex scenes make for a really uncomfortable experience, but isn't it all just so fun to watch?

C: Of course. This film is really fun to watch. I actually forgot what the thing was about because I was too caught up in how bad it was.
TR: That's the beauty of it. I should have won a few Oscars.

C: Anyway, any last words for anyone who hasn't seen you yet?
TR: You're just a chicken, chirp-chirp-chirp-chirp, cheep cheep.

What I got (entertainment value):

What I got (actual quality of the film):