"You've done some bad things, sweetie": The Green Hornet, Yogi Bear, Dorian Gray, Sanctum

All of these movies have one thing in common: I gave them all the "You've done some bad things, sweetie" rating. Here are some paragraph long reviews on each of these films which I cannot be bothered doing full reviews for:

The Green Hornet

I like Seth Rogen and his writing partner Evan Goldberg better when they're writing about fake IDs, obsessive compulsive penis drawers and Jonah Hill actually being fat and funny. Because that came from experience, so they know how to make it funny. Their efforts with The Green Hornet? Disappointing. These guys are more at home when they can use the F-word as much as they like than they are trying to make a friendly superhero flick. Which is a shame because a Michel Gondry superhero flick has the potential to be out of this world. The problem is, the film is never very super. It's only entertaining when it wants to be, which isn't very often, and it spends most of it's time being dull, even with some pretty impressive fight scenes. It's far longer than it should have been, which only adds to it's dullness. The cast all seem to be on auto-pilot also, apart from Christoph Waltz who gleefully slided through the film with his easy villain like presence. Seth Rogen was Seth Rogen, Jay Chou was...a sidekick who was a sidekick, Cameron Diaz was a little less than our normal Cameron Diaz. Sure, these people don't have superpowers, but Kick-Ass only had a quarter of this one's budget and none of those fancy gadgets, yet that still succeeded. Rogen and Goldberg would have been better going all out on a movie similar to that.

Yogi Bear

When I say that this movie is 'not that bad', I'm saying that because I was expecting a trainwreck of a movie. I was expecting annoying kiddie jokes and characters so diabolical that I might have to shoot myself. Thankfully, there was none of that. This isn't the type of movie that should be given 13% on Rotten Tomatoes. Because it isn't that bad. But yes, it is pretty mediocre. I laughed a few times, but that was only at things which I have laughed at many times before. There's nothing fresh at all about this movie. It's very predictable and sometimes downright annoying at how stupid it can be. It's everything you could expect out of a talking bear movie. I feel weird saying such negative things about a kids flick, since kids are no critics and they will watch and love everything as long as it's not too scary. Obviously, if you don't have kids, don't watch this movie. But New Zealand does look very nice in the background...

Dorian Gray

This movie made me feel intoxicated. Now that may have had something to do with the fact that I am on so many drugs right now that I may as well be a part of Requiem for a Dream, but this movie literally made me feel woozy. The direction is to blame for that. Everything is so hazy and unclear, and sometimes it's like the camera isn't stabilised by anything. The various 'sex scenes' are painful to watch because the director is so intent on not making one scene, but trying to make five scenes in one. And then we have Ben Barnes, who looked like he needed a good drink. I'm sure he's a talented bloke, but he was lifeless in the lead role. He never really took off in the role, letting it down a great deal because you can't really believe in him at all. Now, I know that 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' is a pretty popular novel (and a pretty good one - I'm halfway through it), but the way this movie chooses to portray the story doesn't do much good for the novel. It's cheap, B-grade and very dull. However, the performances from Colin Firth (who was definitely the best thing about this movie), Rebecca Hall, Ben Chaplin and Rachel Hurd-Wood offer some class to the movie - class which it should have taken with both hands to avoid the dismal mess that it became.

Sanctum

I am actually sick of movies about people surviving against the odds. It's great that they have such harrowing stories and all, but some of them aren't meant to be films. Just like Sanctum. Now, I'm sure this movie was amazing in 3D. But I'm also sure that this movie doesn't have a lot going for it other than beautiful photography. The story was probably amazing, but as a movie, it isn't in it for the long haul. And being underwater for nearly the entire time is a little bit tiring, since the audience is subjected to watching a whole group of people frantically swim around. But whenever the people are out of the water, it's just as annoying, seeing as the acting isn't anything particularly special. Throw in a lame broken relationship between a father and son and this becomes a movie which you just want to escape. Unfortunately, the screen goes black around three times before it actually finishes, which is amazingly annoying.

Of course, all of these movies managed to get a:

Have you seen any of these films? If so, did you find that they did some 'bad things' too?