"We were never friends."

Film: The Roommate
Year: 2011
Director: Christian E. Christiansen
Written by: Sonny Mallhi.
Starring: Minka Kelly, Leighton Meester, Cam Gigandet, Aly Michalka, Billy Zane, Frances Fisher, Danneel Ackles, Tomas Arana, Nina Dobrev.
Running time: 91 min.


NOTE: This review will be extremely negative...I haven't done a review like this in a while. If you liked the film, I'm sorry. So so sorry.

"Uninspired", "devoid of...", "flat"...these are all words that we see often in film reviews. Those words have never been as true as they are when they describe The Roommate. In fact, if there was a dictionary of every word you could use in a negative review of a film, I would use every single word to describe this movie. The Roommate exists in a world that has hot girls being hot, a slightly off-her-knocker girl who uses her hotness a little bit to unleash evil on everyone, and there are some hot guys too. It's all pure eye candy, which is used to try and hide the atrocious story it has. In fact, does it really have a story? No. But if you're looking for a layered film, this one still qualifies. It has layer upon layer of thriller clichés, unanswered questions and lacklustre thrills. Sounds like a masterpiece, huh?

Apparently, this film is just another rehash of the 1992 film Single White Female. Now I haven't seen that film, but considering I've seen around 750 other films, I've pretty much seen The Roommate already. It's all about Sara Matthews (Minka Kelly), who goes to college. She hooks up with some hot drummer (Cam Gigandet) and a slutty friend (Aly Michalka) one night. Once the night is over, she retreats back to her room, to find her roommate, Rebecca (Leighton Meester). At first, the girls get on just fine. But Sara doesn't know that this Rebecca girl is slightly obsessed with her, threatening her classmates, framing seedy teachers and trying to get rid of the men in Sara's life. All so Rebecca can have Sara to herself. Oh yes, and it is later revealed that Rebecca is supposed to be on medication to help her with her bipolar disorder. So Sara has a little bit of trouble on her hands, doesn't she?

The plot in The Roommate is literally child's stuff. We all know that it is going to end in a bit of a scrap between the girls, and when it reaches that point, I no longer cared. This movie lost me about halfway through, when Rebecca decided in order to have Sara all to herself she has to kill a kitten. I suppose the film had to show in some way that Rebecca was a bit crazy. But my goodness, did they have to go that far?! What did that poor innocent kitten ever do to her? Oh right...that kitten was 'keeping' her from her precious Sara. I'm sorry, but that's not a good enough reason to kill a kitten. The entire movie isn't a good enough reason to add a dead kitten to the storyline.

There are so many things that go so horribly wrong in The Roommate. It used a lot of that tense music, which at least hinted at a bit of a thrill, but that thrill never came. Seemingly running out of ideas, the film tries to make itself a sexual thriller...you know, because when all else fails, just add a hint of sex and everything will be okay. The film is so focused on Minka Kelly's beauty (and trust me, she is beautiful) and Leighton Meester's apparent craziness that it never really bothers to pay any attention to the supporting characters. Aly Michalka's character pretty much just turns up at the start and then disappears, just like that. Cam Gigandet, probably the most annoying actor ever (because he's in like, everything), provides support for Sara when she needs it, but we kinda forget that he's even there. Billy Zane shows up. That guy who Kate Winslet was supposed to marry in Titanic? Well, now he's reduced to crappy movies like this, and the role of a seedy teacher is about as good as it gets for him. Every single supporting character in this movie is just bait for Rebecca to get closer to Sara. Which is bloody annoying.

Minka Kelly, who is trying her hand at being one of Charlie's Angels, and Leighton Meester, Gossip Girl's Queen B, both do a little bit to alleviate the horribleness of this film, but unfortunately, it is not enough. Every time this film turned a corner I just wanted to rip my eyes out. Rebecca's acts of 'friendship' just continued getting more and more ridiculous that my eyes were getting the best workout they've ever had...thanks to all of the eye rolling. The script was horribly bad, too. It had such simple lines that it really made me wonder if this was written by someone in their fifth year at school. I think that everything in this movie was inspired by a whole lot of other movies...a whole lot of other bad movies, that is. If it wasn't for my rule of "start watching a movie, I have to finish it", I would have turned this off as soon as that poor kitten was murdered. But I persevered, hoping for something better...and what good is perseverance? It doesn't help me with my poor science skills, nor did it help me here. The Roommate was appalling...it was so appalling that it wasn't even funny.

What I got: